THERAPY

Have I gotten over Dan? HA! Have I ever in over 10 years? No. Its always left abruptly without closure, without reason. I’m a storm chaser after the passion he provided me. Always wanted to BE with him, legit. I always was “the other woman” and he was SOOO good at making me believe otherwise. But, he was usually always the “other man”. So really, what am I complaining about?
Have I gotten over Kevin? Most certainly. I always try to put him in the best light because he basically “bought” me, and I always feel like I should be grateful for that. Fuck it. “We will still be friends”…HA…..right. We were friends right up until you had me out of your house and the divorce was final, just like mommy said it would be….FUCK YOU!. But of course you knew that maintaining a friendship with me would lead to maintaining other things. To NEVER talk to someone again with whom I shared so much of my life with, yes it hurts. Do I miss him? I don’t know him anymore. Do I wish to recreate the experiences we’ve had with someone new? Absolutely.
Do I love Mark as I tell him I do? I don’t know. He has already lived life, he’s already had children. He doesn’t have contact with them. The oldest is my age. He annoys me. But he makes me breakfast and walks my dogs. He tries. And he allows me to cry and talk about whatever crazy thing that bothers me. And he remembers. And he understands.
But he is quite incorrigible most of the time, and never wants to leave this god forsaken apartment building. I can’t make babies with him.
I want someone to DO things with. I am tired of going solo to everything. I’d rather sleep than go to another thing alone and I just can’t take it anymore.
There isn’t any hope.