DREAMS

Had a dream last night that you gave me another chance, and we wanted to be together more than anything. You doubted me and I promised that I loved you more than anyone and that I would never make another mistake. You believed me.And then we were together again and everything was back to normal.
But that was just a dream, just a dream, just a dream…dream
My instinct to seek out someone to love is what kills me every time. I’m not good at using, must perfect the skill. Not good at this at all.
You believed me when I lied. You endured my worst. You always took care of me.
No, Im not regretting or feeling remorse, Im wondering what brought us together in the first place….its because you needed someone to take care of, and I thought I wanted someone to take care of me.
I wasn’t prepared for the loneliness and lack of “life” that would follow our marriage. We were supposed to create new life, but you miraculously didn’t want that after the wedding.
I miss being in love with you. I miss devoting my life to you. I miss kissing you. I keep such a high head about it all. Right now Im breaking down, it happens from time to time. No one can be strong all the time, and a rainy Sunday is a fine time for breaking down.
I was never living in my life, or our life, it was always your life. There was no “our” life. It was all just pretend, the way it always will be.
You were supposed to be the father of my children, you were supposed to be my forever.
Would you believe it if I said Im happy now? I love that my life is mine and doesn’t belong to anyone else.
I just miss you sometimes. You were one of my greatest loves…I miss our life together….sometimes.