PATIENCE IS A WASTE OF MY TIME

2-13-11
My patience has been worn down to a generic toilet paper thinness. Follow that which harms you. You do, and I do. Too late to see which door shuts after its been shut. And its almost too late for you to open it back up. I’m sick of the drama you assume belongs to you. I’m sick of you assuming no responsibility in it being yours.
Here’s my problem, plain and simple….I am always here for you, I run errands for you, I bring you things you want or need, I provide love, warmth and patience. I’ve put in my waiting time and I’m tired of waiting. Waiting makes me angry. It’s one of my flaws.
So, take someone insane about you and make her wait, make her promises you never come through with, completely disregard her existence periodically and treat her like a stranger in the hall as to not get the fucking neighbors talking. Disregard her and spend your time with people who have NEVER done ANYTHING but use you and fuck you over. “ I’m sorry I don’t have more time for you”, you said. I’m really sorry about that too. I’m sorry you can’t find time for me while you shoot the shit with douche bags and try to save people not worth saving, over and over.. every fucking day there’s a broken promise, there’s waiting, and there’s you wasting my patience on something not worth a damn.
I feel abandoned and abused, by everyone. Friends, family and you. I hate being told one thing when another thing happens. I hate that I would never talk to my family or friends unless I called them, or unless they needed something. I have never had a phone call from either of my sisters “just to chat”. Ever.
I am making my life, everyone’s bullshit aside. That doesn’t mean that I am not hurt by it all. I am very easily hurt but don’t easily show it, because life goes on. And on and on and on beyond the things humans do to each other, intentionally or not.
This is where I speak to people I have to wait for and to people who don’t listen. This is your punishment. This is where I get angry. This is where I hit and scream and cry, here in these words.