DO'S AND DON'TS AND MISSES

I miss the stupid things like China Wang & movie Sundays. I miss cooking for you on occasion and our dinners out (yeah, I’m hungry) I miss wishing that you would spend more time with me, because I don’t care about it anymore. I miss the comfort of knowing that I have someone in my life who knows me so well and who I know. I miss having the right to miss you, to touch you, to call you…..but I don’t miss you, not who you are now. I don’t know you. Perhaps I never did.
I don’t miss being devastated that I devoted my life to you unconditionally …and you made me feel awful for it, for loving you. I don’t miss waiting for you to come home and wondering why you seem to make special attempts everyday to be away from me. I don’t miss that while you were home…..you made an effort to ignore me. I don’t miss trying to kiss you and being pushed away. Don’t miss the very difficult task of accepting the fact that the man I loved and married suddenly doesn’t want to have children with me after we had planned on it. I made the personal decision after much thought, that you meant more to me than the unborn lives I would’ve birthed. I chose you. I accepted that I would never have children, because I was in love with you. Gave up the most basic of human rights…..to be with you. But, ou can only push someone away so much before they stop coming back. ……I don’t miss trying to muffle my crying every night so you would’t hear. I don’t miss you making me feel worthless and unwanted and good for nothing. I know you didn’t mean it, but you did. I don’t miss everything I’ve done to you to make you be so distant. I don’t miss feeling like everything has always been my fault…I still feel it.