You said you are always nice to me and asked for an example of how you are not. You are cruel to me in your kindness. Petting of hair, touching of face, holding of hands….these are not actions that friends do, this is not something I expect from a ‘booty call’, although I do thoroughly enjoy it when you do these things.
Adreneline is higher and higher every time we kiss. Everyday, everything is more and more, and it all started from nothing. From less than nothing even, I was not interested in anyway shape or form in you, in fact here’s an excerpt from journal archives.
Feb 9 2010
Am I gonna get upset about this? Nope. Maybe a little. I kinda feel sick but maybe bc I haven’t eaten and the mouthwash is clashing tremendously with the taste of this cheap beer I’ve come to know and love..
I didn’t want to have sex with you, didn’t want to kiss you or hold your hands up behind your head. I didn’t want you touching my face and I didn’t want to touch yours. I didn’t want you trying to tickle me. I didn’t want you touching me in any way. I did not want you flirting with me.
It’s just nothing for me these days
Something has become. We can talk about the day to day, the hopes for the future, the embarrassing, the boring, the failures. We can laugh. ……We can sit in silence, we can sit in music, we can be bored together without it being boring.
Our bodies are learning each other as if theyre completely separate from us, without our consent, they are learning. I miss the taste of your mouth on mine moments after Ive left. I think about your kind touches and smiles all the live long day
“I’m so glad I will never have a relationship with you”, you say.
This is how you are not nice to me.
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